Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Relationship (and How to Finally Break the Cycle)
Do you ever feel like you’re dating the same person in a different body?
The emotionally unavailable ones.
The hot-and-cold ones.
The “why does this keep happening to me?” situationships.
If you keep finding yourself in the same kinds of dating situations over and over again, there’s one truth that can feel both confronting and liberating at the same time:
You are the common denominator.
Before you roll your eyes or spiral into self-blame, let’s get one thing straight:
That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
It means you hold the key and that is incredibly powerful.
This is where real self-love begins: the messy, embodied, down-and-dirty kind that actually transforms your relationships from the inside out.
You Are a Dancer in This Dance
Every relationship is a dance and you are one of the dancers. You have influence. You are part of the equation.
The people you attract and the dynamics that play out are not random. They reflect back your patterns, beliefs, attachment style, and nervous system responses… everything that lives inside you.
So instead of asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?” the next time someone trauma-dumps about their divorce over dinner or love bombs you one hour into date #2…
Try asking yourself these two powerful questions instead.
1. How Do I Keep Doing This?
This question helps you trace the how — the behaviors, habits, and embodied patterns that keep the cycle alive.
Maybe it’s…
Saying yes when your gut and body say no
Letting yellow flags slide because he’s tall and charming
Ignoring red flags because you don’t want to lose the connection
Leaving your dating bio blank because asking for what you want feels like “too much”
Silencing your truth because you’re afraid they’ll leave if you show the real you
These small, almost invisible moments are how the pattern sneaks back in.
It’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because part of you learned love this way.
2. Why Do I Keep Doing This?
This question takes you deeper into the tender roots beneath the pattern, where real healing happens.
Maybe you’re hoping that if you just love hard enough, do enough, or accept enough, you’ll finally feel chosen.
Maybe you’ve learned that being easygoing and accommodating keeps you safe from rejection.
There’s no “right” answer here. You might even think, “If I knew, I wouldn’t be doing it.”
But this isn’t about having the answer. It’s about witnessing yourself with loving curiosity instead of judgment.
Because when you do, you start to see that it’s not your adult self making those choices. It’s your inner child.
A younger part of you who still believes love has to be earned, proved, or performed for.
Healing the Pattern Starts with Awareness
When you see your patterns with compassion instead of shame, something profound shifts.
You stop trying to fix it through other people.
You begin to heal it within yourself first.
This is how the cycle breaks.
The moment you stop judging yourself for “doing it again” and instead meet yourself with tenderness, you begin to rewire your nervous system for love that’s safe, steady, and nourishing.
The Truth: You’re Not the Problem — You’re the Key
Here’s what I want you to remember:
You are not broken.
You are not the problem.
You are the common denominator, which means you also hold the power to change everything.
When you shift the way you relate to yourself, you change the kind of love you attract.
That’s not just dating advice, that’s deep, embodied transformation.
Ready to start your training for love?
If you’re ready to stop repeating old cycles and start creating the kind of love that actually nourishes your heart, I invite you to book a Clarity Call.
In this session, we’ll explore what’s been keeping you stuck, uncover the deeper roots of your dating patterns, and identify the next aligned steps to open your heart to lasting love.
You don’t have to keep dancing the same old dance. You just need to learn a new rhythm.
And it starts with you.
